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Letting Go of Your Fears with Elyse

by Dr. Elyse Stewart, PhD

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Being an exposure therapist, I help clients confront their fears all day long–but what about my own fears?

 

Ironically, in my personal life I am generally a risk-averse person. I recently took a vacation with some adventurous friends and had the opportunity to go canyoneering. Canyoneering involves hiking up a cliffside and using a variety of techniques to descend, including rappelling, jumping, water sliding, and zip lining.  When discussing this activity, my friends assumed I would opt out. In our shared itinerary next to canyoneering my friends had noted, “Elyse will be afraid of this.” 

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Seeing that in writing stung. They were objectively right—I was afraid; however, that fear misaligned with my own values. I had a moment of self-reflection—How do I want to show up in my friendships and do I want to be known as the

friend who opts out? I profoundly care about the friendships I have nurtured throughout my lifetime and despised that fear could impede an opportunity to deepen those connections. Therefore, I accepted my friends’ “challenge” and decided I would do it.

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As I am hanging off the edge of a waterfall, my canyoneering guide instructs me to let go of the rope, yet I find my heart beat pounding louder than her instructions. I grip the rope tighter and instinctively shout “No!”.

 

I can’t help but to feel smacked in the face by the literal and figurative metaphor of dropping the rope—something I ask clients to do all the time. I did eventually let go and actually had fun! But what helped me get there? Two things: 1. Trust in my guide; and, 2. Accessing what I care about.

 

In my work as a therapist, I strive to create a context in which clients trust me enough as their guide to be willing to get curious and explore in presence of their fears. Facing fears is not easy and I am humbled by the fact that my clients are constantly facing their own waterfalls. Through this experience I can appreciate more deeply my clients’ true bravery, vulnerability, and willingness to let go so that they may learn to thrive and create meaning in their own lives.

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